3 Months of Thaijinks

I admit I had to "borrow" this idea from my fellow ATI program friend, Sara Godlevsky. It was just too good not to spin into my own personal reflections of 3 months worth of experiences here in Thailand. (And thanks to Mia for the contributions!)

You Know You're Turning "Local" when.....

1. You stop, stare, and point with your friends when you see other foreigners that you do not know in your tiny town.
2. You assume these foreigners don't understand English, and thus talk about them in close proximity in raised tones, while they stare directly at you, clearly comprehending what you are saying.
3. The once rabid neighborhood dogs now wag their tails when they see you.
4. You see nothing wrong adopting what you think is a stray dog, taking it to the "vet" when it gets hit by a motorbike, paying to have it's ruined leg amputated, and then nurse it back to health, only to have it's true owner come claim it after the dirty work has been done.
5. You see the local Vet performing at a large concert in a town 5 hours away (dressed in the sparkliest outfit and in full make-up) and aren't phased.
6. Bugs fly into your food, you pause to pick them out, and continue eating without breaking conversation.
7. A giant roach scuttles across the floor at your favorite restaurant; you point, laugh, and continue the conversation. You continue to frequent this restaurant.
8. The local carryout's stoop is now the go-to for a hot Friday and Saturday night on the town.
9. The convenience store has begun to stock up on Coke Zero in preparation for our weekend festivities.
10. You travel to bigger towns/cities and continue to talk openly about the people around you, forgetting that it's not Chaiyaphum and that people do get what you are saying. This becomes awkward when it's clearly a tourist who's native language is English. For example: Julia - "That guy behind you guys keeps turning around and staring".
Me - (turning my head and pointing directly at him "What, this weirdo?". Oops.
11. The 7-11 crew cringes when they see your group stagger into the store and start prepping the ham & cheese sandwiches.
12. You're easily convert into Pakistan time.
13. You can hum the entire tune to the Bold & The Beautiful (and may know all the characters names).
14. You get excited about finding a coffee shop who's only menu items are coffee and toast.
15. Any meal over 35 baht is too pricey for you.
16. Your roommates go rat hunting with a local vendor who sells rat skewers, and, the only thing you see wrong with it is the fact that you weren't invited.
17. 70 and breezy gives you goosebumps.
18. A moquito buzzes by and you can single-handedly snatch it out of the air (and many of your weekend games incorporate extra points for killing them).
19. You've adopted Thai exclamations and use them along with your kids for everything to annoyance to happiness ("Oiiiiiiiiiiiiii" is awesomely universal).
20. 2-3 trips to the Tesco in one day are used to cure boredom.
21. Child-like giddiness ensues when the waffle-making lady decides to show up at the night bazaar.
22. Openly talking about murdering your landlord when she is standing right in front of you isn't weird to you at all.
23. At first you thought it was ridiculous that Thai people jump on their scooter to go 10 feet....you now partake in this activity.

R.I.P Birds!!

After almost a month of horrible sleepless nights due to being awakened by the interminable squawking/moaning/cooing of what we assumed to be pigeons in our roof, we have finally been rid of their existence! To our utter shock, our landlord actually contacted some type of Thai pest control, and on Saturday, as were lazily sitting with friends in our driveway enjoying the winter weather, the man produces two of the the ugliest, mangiest set of birds that I have ever seen. Much to my chagrin, after I screamed in horror the first time, the pest control proceeded to sort of chase me around with the birds, who, were still alive. Anyone that knows me is fully aware of the fact that next to mall food courts and bus stops, birds are Public Enemy #1. Especially these ones, who appeared to be suffering from some sort of bird leprosy. If anyone has any thoughts on what kind of birds these might be, let me know. This morning, not even the howling dogs could bother me, as it was the first time since arriving here that the sound of hyperventilating birds weren't the first thing I heard!

Confessions of a Reformed Caffiene Addict

Prior to arriving in Thailand, I was aware and looking forward to many facets of my life that would change. The geography, language, diversity, culture, diet, and overall lifestyle were obvious variables. However, after two months in SE Asia, I've noticed some new changes that I didn't exactly expect, but, have come to appreciate nonetheless.

My hair has started to resemble that of Martha Washington's circa 1782. While we are sliding into winter here, it's not the same bone-chilling temperatures and howling winds that I am used to in Chicago. A balmy 97 degrees translates to even higher temps in a packed classroom with 45 kids and two tired fans sputtering loudly on the ceiling. Ten minutes in, I'm covered in sweat and chalk dust. Some people gauge a hard day's work by blisters on their hands. I've started measuring mine by how long it takes me to shake the chalk out of my hair.


I've started to remember that despite the innocent faces, Thai children can be just as devious as American children. The first week I fell victim to repeating after the students, assuming they were teaching me useful Thai. Finally, after collapsing into fits of giggles on the floor, one English-savvy student informed me that I was saying "I love to kiss boys". Also, just because an angel-faced 12 year old keeps trying to hug you does not mean that he is bestowing a Thai courtesy. Adult Thai people do not hug, and after watching him race back to his group of awaiting friends, giggling and excitedly gesturing at his chest, I quickly figured out what he was trying to do. Regardless of location, boys will be boys. Sigh.

I've started to stop asking questions about what I'm eating for lunch and dinner and just go with it. Luckily enough, we haven't encountered any issues of the hospitalization kind as we did in Bangkok. My poker face has also improved, as half the time, the food isn't exactly what we are used to in America, and, well, suffice it to say it's difficult to eat things with faces and tentacles. But hey, when in Rome, right???

I've stopped just smiling and nodding. You will never know when you are agreeing to come over and meet the son of a woman you've just met at dinner to counsel him on how to meet girls, or that you've agreed to just go join in on Thai dancing when you thought you would just be watching. Both are awkward. Trust me.

I've started to remember what it was like to be in middle school again. As I teach Prathom 5 and 6, which translates pretty accurately to 5th and 6th grades in the US, the most interesting part of my new job has been to observe the interactions between the students. Comprised of roughly 45 kids each, each class stays together all day, and it's interesting as they all tend to stick to their own classes when it comes to friend groups. Every day, there's always drama: some boy steals a girl's Hello Kitty pencil box; one of the bigger girls tries to break one of the 50 lb. boy over her knee; a group of boys end up hiding in the back on the floor looking at some lingerie spread in the Bangkok Post. I was so worried about entertaining the kids that I didn't realize the most entertaining thing wouldn't be me, but, just getting to know them and all their silly, loud, pre-teen antics.

I've stopped being so animal friendly. I was raised by a mother who never said "no" to a new pet (much to my father's chagrin) and never met a stray she wouldn't take in. She even takes neighboring dogs to the vet. So, while hard to admit, I've begun to dread the sight of dogs (being chased and nearly bitten twice by packs of mangy dogs will do that to you), cringe at the sight of cats (for some weird reason they are all missing their tails...I hope it's not some Thai delicacy I've been eating), and plot the death of the pigeons roosting in our roof and the geckos barking on my wall. It's utterly bone chilling to be startled awake by a gecko brawl/bark session on your ceiling, followed by a chorus of melodic howling from the neighboring Hounds Of Hell.

In conjunction with the above, I've started to appreciate afternoon naps much more due to lack of consistent Zzzzz's.

Last, but not least, and as the title of this post implies, I've stopped ingesting massive amount of caffeinated beverages every day. At first, it started as sort of a personal test, and, more importantly I drink water all day so that I don't die of dehydration. After a couple of weeks, I can safely (but a little sadly) say that I don't really miss my beloved Diet Coke. As many of my close friends know, Diet Coke and I have had a long and wonderful relationship (excluding, of course, the time it was almost my demise as it caused a painful tumble down a flight of stairs), but, I will not miss the disgusted looks on the faces of my friends and co-workers as I would open the 4th can of the day.

Forget A-Baht It: A Week of Lessons Learned in Bangkok

As the old tale of the Sword and the Stone goes, young Arthur unknowingly went about his days, unaware that he was the chosen King Of Briton, until he released the magical sword from the stone.  Not unlike Arthur, I believe that Mia and I have been on an unknowing quest for the past 5 weeks:  to unearth and survive in South East Asia's most dilapidated and depleted accommodations.  We are Arthur, and our Sword In The Stone was the Suda Palace.  After one week in the "Big Mango", we share with you our new-found wisdom that a little baht goes a long way, and can preserve your sanity, and more importantly, your health.

A note on hotels:

- Be extremely wary of anything with the word "palace" attached to it.  "Palace" can either denote a wonderfully modern, luxurious stay (a la President Palace), or it can be defined by beds constructed of concrete (with matching pillows), air conditioning that requires CPR to continue throughout the night, and extra guests in the form of dinner-plate sized cockroaches.  You tell me which "palace" you would opt for?  In sum, when the best hours of sleep are obtained on a hospital couch (yours truly) and a hospital bed (yours truly's best friend), you know it's time to spend a little more baht for some peace of mind, which is exactly what we did in moving to the President Palace.  Sure, it was indulgent at a whole 2000 baht a night, but, in America, at $60, you'd be lucky to get a Super 8 Motel for that price, even though at that point in the trip, I would have run for a Super 8 and gladly slept rolled up in the covers...something I would never have dreamt of doing prior to coming out here.

Don't worry, I won't glaze over the hospital stay, as it defines our trip to Bangkok and has also changed Mia's dietary habits.

A note on street vendors:

Take American street food, like NYC hot dog vendors, and add a serious dash of danger, minus any type of regulation, and you have Thai street food.  When we first arrived, we were utterly amazed at the full-scale kitchens the Thai people  operate out of what seems like a motorbike with a Bunsen burner and a wok on the back.  As our thriftiness (What?? 75 cents for an entire meal??!) got the better of us, we flirted with street food, gave it a wave, a hair toss, and finally succumbed (95% due to the fact that our choices were either street vendors or 7-11 at the first hotel...in our defense, one can only ingest so many bags of peanut M&M's before looking for a little bit more substance).  Just like the morbid game of Russian Roulette played in the movie The Deer Hunter, we ultimately knew that someone was going to get hurt, although I definitely did not want that someone to be myself or Mia.  Who knew that a 20 baht chicken skewer in the RCA district could result in the most expensive 12 hours of our lives since arriving in Thailand?  Gory details aside, I will note that the staff at Phayathai Hospital took extremely good care of her, and after twelve hours, 8 different medications, four naps, two wonderfully catered meals, and one sponge bath later, Mia emerged healed.  The score is currently street meat: 1, Mia:0, but that is a score that both she and I are very willing to leave alone.  And, as I mentioned above, having to pick my friend up off the bathroom floor of the Suda Palace and worry not only about her health, but also how incredibly dirty the floor was incited the lightbulb over the head moment in which I knew that we were no longer subjecting ourselves to hovels posing as hotels.  

A (quick) note on tourist attractions in Bangkok:

- Do go to Wat Pho to see the Reclining Buddha and also to the Grand Palace (we didn't make it there, but heard it's spectacular).

- Don't believe any tuk tuk driver that says there are special ceremonies going on and that certain temples are closed.  One would think after two years in NYC and two years in Chicago that I would be a little more hardened to these schemes, but I still fall for them.  I blame my parents on raising me to be too accommodating, even to hustlers.  

-While we're on the subject of tuk tuks, just don't take them unless you feel like ingesting lungfuls of acrid car exhaust and taking unwanted detours to their friend's tailor shops where you will get swindled into buying a suit and a tux (poor Felix).  Cabs are just as easy, cheap, and you can practice your Thai on willing (well, sometimes unwilling) drivers.

-Do try the Indian food.  It's the best I have had since leaving New York City.

- Do check out the Sukhumvit area restaurants and bars, just be willing to drop more baht than intended.  Also, if you go to Bed Supperclub, say hi to Buddha for us, and make sure to remember that the restroom is downstairs, not by the DJ booth.  

- Don't be afraid to travel outside the tourist areas.  We were obviously at an advantage being with a friend who's friends are from the area, but, our dinner and subsequent night out at the local Thai restaurant Am-In was an incredibly fun and relaxing experience.  Thanks to John, Witt and Micky for showing us that what Thai chicken wings lack in size, they make up for in flavor.

- Do make sure to get a Thai massage.  Although not exactly what one would expect, we were so pleasantly suprised to learn that the use of elbows and feet, in addition to being contorted into strange positions, can strangely lull you in a relaxed state just as a European type of massage would.  Again, many thanks to John and Health Land for a great end to our stay in BKK.

At the end of our week in Bangkok, we were awed by the ancient architecture & history, incredibly thankful for the kind people of Phayathai hospital, and happy to finally find respite from a month's worth of sub-standard accommodations at a place that we could finally take a shower with hot water and without wearing flip-flops.  While we have undoubtedly spoiled ourselves far too much for our long-term apartment in Chaiyaphum, it was incredibly nice while it lasted.

Sunburned & Barefoot in the Classroom

We all have those moments in which we are humbled, ranging in levels from mild to severe.  In Thailand, those moments could be anything from struggling to stay upright on a motorbike without losing a limb, all while a family a five (plus their dog and pet rooster) roar by on their tiny Yamaha, to having to act out what you would like to eat for dinner due to a lack of an English menu (level of severity depends on the difficulty of what you are trying to order....chicken is easy, but tuna without mayonnaise takes a little more skill).  Recently, mine came in the form of finally getting to stand up in front of 20 little pairs of eyes, and not only try to captivate their attention, but also attempt to have them understand a language utterly foreign to them, while trying to NOT sound like the teacher from the Charlie Brown comic. Imagine tumbleweeds blowing across a barren old western town, crickets chirping on a warm summer night, or the abrupt screech of a needle thrown off the record, and you'll start to form an idea of our first day of classroom practice in Thailand.  

The third week of TESOL training was comprised of actual classroom experience.  After two weeks of practicing in front of our peers, we felt like old pros with our teaching models; we could recite them in our sleep and didn't stress when we had to be observed by our Trainers.  All that changed on Monday, October 12th, when we arrived at the Sunshine Orphanage in Phuket, Thailand.  

When you think about your day and imagine 40 minutes, it seems fleeting.  I could easily spend 40 minutes re-watching my favorite Geico commercials on YouTube, talking on Gchat, or maybe just idly staring off into space like Peter from Office Space.  However, 40 minutes in front of 20 kids (and yes, we were all barefoot and usually on the floor) is a whole different matter.  Over the week, I traveled to Sunshine, Football Youth Home (a home for needy youth that show a propensity for football, AKA soccer) and a Juvenile Detention Center (yes, twelve year olds with tattoos of guns and dragons -usually intertwined- are just as disturbing as they sound), and all of the children, ranging in ages 5-17 were our willing - well, at times, very unwilling- guinea pigs.  All of us received a huge reality check, sweat more than anyone would in Bikkram Yoga (yes, the kids will laugh at point out the fact that beads of sweat are raining down), sang (you'll be amazed how fast "The Wheels On The Bus" come back to you), danced (if you thought it was bad doing the Chicken Dance at a wedding, imagine standing up in front of a crowd doing the Hokey Pokey), drew pictures, did puzzles, broke up arguments, and ultimately learned that when we can just laugh at ourselves, then we've won half the battle.   

To all of my friends that teach in the US & elsewhere, I've had a brief glimpse into your professional lives, and, all of you make it look easy when it is truly anything but that! However, even after only one short week, getting to end the day with elated laughter in the air, running around barefoot playing "Red Light, Green Light" in the intense SE Asian sun, made all the previous moments of uncertainty disappear.  We know we can't prepare for all the little roadblocks that are undoubtedly going to arise...the only thing we can protect ourselves with is just a little more sunscreen. :)

Once, Twice, Thrice: Three Weeks of Rice in Phuket

To begin, I'll get the apology out of the way for my less than attentive attitude toward this blog. What I naively thought would be an effortless habit to form, morphed day-by-day into yet another task left undone. On top of a heavy dose of culture shock, homework, and yes, homesickness, I've been unable to find the time or articulate a fun way to tell my stories. However, with my first day of real teaching out of the way, I've felt a huge sense of relief, followed by the end of my writer's block.

It would be silly to sit here and write about every little thing we have experienced, the near brushes with disaster we've already encountered, or the many interesting people we've met....so, in the interest of my time, and yours, I've decided to create a running list, in no particular order, of some of my favorite things/things of note thus far on this journey. Kellie, I devote this list to you.

#1) D.C: Of course this has to be addressed right away. Diet Coke does exist here, but as Coke Light. And no, it does not taste the same. But yes, I am still drinking 2-3 cans a day. Hey, it's 16 baht, they're basically giving the stuff away!

#2) Our Crew: All the trainees in my group are great. It's been an indescribable experience to meet people from all over the globe (well, ok, that's sort of a stretch- we have one girl from Canada and one guy from the U.K) who you would  never have met if not for this trip (and maybe if you just met them once, not immediately warm to them) and realize how much you have in common regardless of nationality, age, religion, political affiliation, etc. It's reminded me of that age-old saying to not judge a book by it's cover, because some of the people here that I have grown so quickly fond of are not people I might typically befriend back home. In the end, we're all here together, sweaty, nervous to teach, and all with varying levels of traveller's sickness. You'd be amazed how a common illness can bring everyone together.

#3) Stray Dogs: High on my list due to the endless level of entertainment they have brought so far. Clean, dirty, collared, muzzled: dogs may out number people here in Phuket (in the low season at least). I'll also go ahead and throw cats into the mix as well, much to the chagrin of some cat lover's I know. Both species are everywhere in Phuket, much like the pigeons in NYC or Chicago, and have no qualms joining you for a walk to the store, escorting you home, or crashing your dinner (literally, several cats have curled up in our laps at "fancy" restaurants). Both also serve as a hazard while engaging in #4.

#4) Motor Bikes: The main form of transportation in Phuket, and, what I assume, the rest of the country. Noisy, smelly, and incredibly fun in a dangerous-kind-of-way, Mia and I rented one this past weekend to trek up the Big Buddha on the eastern side of the island. Looking pretty similar to Harry & Lloyd with her as the driver and myself clinging to her waist, we drove through a monsoon, dodged #3's and opening truck doors by the locals into our traffic lane (both #3's and Thai people have a decidedly nonchalant attitude towards life in general - see #5) and played Frogger in a Thai round-a-bout.  In the end, we made it to our destination, got blessed by a Monk, and I finished the day with some amazing helmet hair.

#5) Thai Time: Unaware until three weeks ago that this existed, I've now been fully versed in Thai Time after only three short weeks. Envision the concept of everything being done in a New York Minute, and combine that with the Spanish Siesta. What you get is an amalgamation of two incredibly idiosyncratic time frames. It applies to everything regarding the Thai lifestyle; they do things when they feel like it. if you're lucky, it's relatively fast. If not, be prepared to wait it out and not be annoyed. This latter part has taken some practice, and who knows if I'll ever be able to master it fully. It won't be for lack of trying, though. Sit at a restaurant one day for an hour before getting your food, and then wait only 10 minutes the next? Thai time. The tuk-tuk driver takes a detour and stops at his uncle's house for a chat and/or to pick up a family member or two, all while you thought you and your friends would be home in ten minutes? Thai time. Confused why a ferry schedule states that the trip to an island is anywhere between 1.5-2 hours? I think you get what I mean.....
The moral here is that once you embrace T.T., you kind of start to love it, and begin to understand why the people here are so happy. No one is in a huge rush, yet things still get done. What if this way of thinking was applied in the U.S.? No boss breathing down your neck with a deadline that really doesn't matter, people aren't rushing around and stressed out about ridiculous things all the time....ok, ok, maybe I am off on an idealistic tangent, but, blame it on island living. All I am saying is that we could learn a thing of two from the Thai people.

Which leads me also to #6: No Blackberry Use. To be more specific, no cell phones in general. Anyone reading this knows me to be an admitted Blackberry addict; I can't help the itch to constantly check it, look at my emails, scan Facebook status updates. Why was I always doing this? And more importantly, do I miss the fact that I haven't used my Blackberry in three weeks and won't for 4 whole months? The answer is NO. While admittedly sad that I had to move around the world to put down my drug of choice (AKA handheld technology), I have never felt less stressed than I do without always checking my phone. To all my fellow Blackberry addicts (you know who you are), I challenge you to go one hour without checking your phone. If you can't do it, you've got the Addiction. While I don't recommend everyone quit their jobs and move to Thailand to be free of the phone problem, trust me, not using my phone has made me so much more aware of how much I used to use it, and how it probably really annoyed other people that I was with. Without a phone, people still find a way to get a hold of me, and vice versa. Just something to think about....

#7) Koh Phi Phi:

Do: - Go here if you come to Thailand. Literally one of the most picturesque places I have ever seen (not that I have seen all that much, but, I can't really imagine a prettier or more serene place other than Tahiti or something similar).
- Take Dramamine for the ferry ride if you get motion sickness. I have never seen people literally hanging their heads off the side of a boat until that weekend. I was one of them. Don't be me!
- Splurge on an air conditioned room that costs more than $4 a night. We didn't do this. We paid in the end, not monetarily, but in emotional duress.
- Traverse the almost 90 degree climb to the Viewpoint. Just don't wear flip-flops when you do this (again, me). Also maybe do a couple deep knee bends after the trek down or you'll feel it the next day. Not that I would know from experience or anything....
- Eat at one of the two Italian restaurants on the island. They both have different names, Cosmic and Mamita, but they both have identical menus (don't get this concept but, whatever, it worked) and are owned by the same person. Great respite from rice!
- Watch the body paint. It doesn't wash out of your clothes.
DON'T: - Drink more than one Red Bull infused drink. The stuff could fuel a jet plane and isn't legal in the US. There is a reason for that.
- Walk up to the Viewpoint in flip-flops (see above "Do").
- Stay at U.S. Guesthouse (See above). If you must, don't sleep under the sheets and for the love of god, don't use the towels.
- Forget to watch where you are walking when you step out of the shops. There are concrete gutters all around the streets in Phi Phi that were constructed after the tsunami, and they are placed just so that your foot can fall nicely into them (a literal tourist trap), taking off the top layer of skin from your toe. Yes, this was me. Shocking, I know, given all my grace & agility. If this does happen to you, walk/stagger to any of the Massage parlours...all the ladies & lady boys are very nice and are equipped with gauze, band-aids, and Iodine. Apparently I am not the only idiot this has happened to.
- Try to be nice and corner a runaway poodle for it's owner. It will bite you (ask Mia).
-Go to a tattoo parlor wanting to get "Ello" tattooed on your finger due to some random love of the movie "Labyrinth". Your friends will berate you and refuse to let this be done (again, ask Mia and also see the note on drinking too much Red Bull).
- Stumble into the alley that is home to the Thai Market, unless you have a strong stomach, enjoy being around hearts that moments before were just removed from an animal, or were a past contstant on Fear Factor. This place reminded me of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre family's kitchen, and I still see some of the things that were there when I go to sleep at night. Not that I am culturally insensitive to other countries' food items, but the things for sale here were a stretch of the term "food" in any language. And above all, avoid this place at all costs if you have been drinking the night before.

Which is a nice segue way into the last, but not least, topic: #8) The Local Cuisine. Because I am running low on time and wit, I'll keep this short and bring it back up to the title of this blog. Rice, rice, rice, I eat it daily once, twice, thrice. OK, so it's not Shakespeare, but seriously, it is and could be the only thing we eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The novelty of Thai food wore off on about the 4th day, and I have never really dreamt about food until now (Chipotle burrito, Jimmy Johns sandwiches, Berry Chill.....). Suffice it to say I'm hungry, and will probably be that way until I come home, wherein afterwards I'll be in a food coma until spring emerges in Chicago.

That's all for now....soon to follow with notes on our first week of teaching, aka Volume One of Barefoot and Sunburned in the Classroom.

Please excuse the lack of fanfare and/or flair, but, the jet lag is having a more negative effect than expected on higher brain function and my wit is running on empty right now!  Suffice it to say that we have arrived safe and sound (although the last part is a little up in the air depending on our mood changes hour by hour) in Phuket via a 20 our flight that started in LA on Thursday night.  After a couple of plane snafu's, five movies and some sleeping aides, we arrived in Hong Kong for a brief layover. Not only did we manage to have one of the more disturbing noodle dishes I've ever consumed for breakfast, but I also managed to lose the one thing in my carry-on that I can't replace: my folder with all the copies of my passport and my transcripts I need to deliver to our program coordinators.  Of course I couldn't lose my neck pillow, or my travel toothbrush or even, god forbid, my make-up bag.  Obviously no trip I embark on is without a little drama (ok, a LOT in this case), but I always seem to scrape by....so, no worries.  Just thought it would amuse some to see that no matter where I travel to, some strange 1% thing manages to happen!  More updates to come, but for now Mia and I are resigned to relaxing by the pool with Singha and some new program friends.